December 22

It's been roughly three months since finishing treatment and I thought I would update on the blog as to the happenings of the Horsman household in those last months. We settled in nicely with our sudden lack of responsibilities and basked in the afterglow of all the excitement. Unfortunately along with that Evelyn's little body reacted to being free of meds and chemo - she went into a type of withdrawal. She developed a bad, itchy rash everywhere, had the sweats and shortness of breath and wasn't sleeping well at all.

 Along with that came dramatic behaviour challenges. We were warned by other cancer parents and expected that off treatment would come with a lot of adjusting and finding our grove in our new normal - they were right. Evelyn has big emotions and can often pick up on the feel of the room and other people's emotions so we think she sensed the 'change' - she no longer had clinic visits every week, a list of meds to be taken, steroids interrupting every third week and inconsistent discipline and routine. This played out in her behaviour - she was very defiant, often yelling, screaming and disobeying. This was very tough on us as parents for the obvious reason but also because we too were still trying to figure out this new normal and all the emotions that come along with it on our end. We no longer had to plan our life around steroids, meds, sickness and clinic visits and in turn embrace the extra breathing room. But we stayed consistent on the parenting front, followed through and prayed for patience every day. Looking back we've come along way - we are still working on it and though her fiery personality still shines through the behaviour is much more controlled. 
Shortly after treatment we decided it was time to take the plunge and take away those bottles! We talked about it for a couple days, informing her that now that she was a big girl maybe it was time to pass those bottles onto a baby that needed them. We crossed off the days, wrapped the bottles in a pretty bag and said goodbye (and good riddance). Overall during the day it went well - she very rarely asked for the bottle and kept herself busy enough to not really think about it. At night was a different story. At age 3 1/2 she suddenly had to learn to sooth herself to sleep without the help of the bottle. It took many weeks but she succeeded! 

We also tossed the big bucket of meds and syringes that has been taking up residence on our counter for the last two years - it was an unexpected emotional moment to realize we no longer needed all those supplies. 

Another challenge overcome has been potty training - we are finally diaper free! We never wanted to attempt it during treatment for a number of reasons so to see it done has been a huge accomplishment and a long time coming. 
With Charlotte starting school and the changing of seasons we've experienced a lot of colds between the 4 of us. Though Evelyn's immune system is still low and building itself up we are so grateful she has been able to fight them off by herself. We even dealt with pink eye and a couple low-grade fevers - which would normally have sent us flying to Mac but instead we waited it out at home - another big change!

We visit clinic once a month now for blood work and to get her port flushed. So far everything looks good. Evelyn puts up a little bit more of a fight with the pokes since it's not such a regular thing anymore but still settles in easily to an always familiar place. About a month ago she saw an eye doctor at Mac - with long term use of steroids there is a higher chance for cataracts. But she was cleared and will be checked again next year. Just recently another bumpy, itchy rash made an appearance. Thankfully there was no fever along with it and it was determined as focclicitis - an inflammation of the hair follicle. Because Evelyn lost all her body hair throughout treatment it is now growing back in causing this rash. We were told to keep a close eye and take care of it like any typical rash with lotions, Benadryl and soothing baths. She also had her pre-op appointment for the removal of her port and met with the doctor that will be performing the surgery. 

We are currently waiting on a date in January to have that done. This will be a day surgery which I'm sure will come with a lot of emotions - it's the last 'big' hurdle since finishing treatment. 
We will think about that in the new year but for now we celebrate - Evelyn turned 4 last weekend! 

Since being diagnosed birthdays hold a deeper meaning and come with many emotions. We are so grateful we could celebrate another year with Evelyn - this one off treatment. To see her laugh, get excited and join in all the fun - the words escape me for how grateful we are to celebrate a happy, healthy little girl this year. We celebrated all weekend with friends and family and Evelyn got completely spoiled. 

Out for dinner at East Side Mario's to indulge in her favourite - spaghetti!

Over the last three months we have been able to enjoy opportunities we would have otherwise had to say no to. For the first time in two years we enjoyed a Thanksgiving not on steroids so we went camping with family. 

We took the girls to a local church the night before Halloween and handed out candies at our house the night of. 

We were given a free night at Great Wolf Lodge which the girls loved! 

We've been taking advantage of the beautiful weather and have spent a lot of time outside. 

We went to the Grimsby Christmas Parade and bought a tree for our house. 

We attended the Help a Child Smile Christmas Party where the girls did crafts, Charlotte got her face painted, danced and sang with the Smudge Fundaes and encountered a lynx, kangaroo and a ferret - so fun! 

Places like the grocery store and other stores we can frequent more often with Evelyn and also attend church together as a family.

A little accomplishment worth celebrating - we can fit all of Evelyn's hair into pigtails :)

Evelyn and all of her Bravery Beads from the last two years - makes us feel so proud to physically see all that she's gone through on the medical end.

We are leery of getting too comfortable in this new found 'breathing room', knowing relapse or another medical issue may arise at any moment but we know if we are faithful, whatever may come God will be our strength and guide through it all. We've experienced a lot of change in the last 3 months - even though it can be scary at times and our emotions can be up and down, we are choosing to lean into this change, thrive from it and not merely survive. 
We hope and pray that everyone has a blessed Christmas as we celebrate the birth of Christ and reflect on the past year. We wish you all many blessings in the new year.

Lindsey and Stephen
 
Lam. 3:22-24 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."