October 1

It has been one week since celebrating Evelyn's last dose of chemo at clinic and it's still sinking in that we are done. The weeks before we celebrated the 'big one' we celebrated a lot of little lasts. The last two years along with the chemo at clinic we also did an oral chemo almost every night at home. Because she went to bed with a milk bottle and it wasn't allowed to be taken with dairy products we snuck into her room, tried hard not to wake her up too much but just enough for her to swallow the chemo. We were very excited to finish this!

On Thursday, the last chemo day, we woke up with nerves and excitement. We took lots of pictures and headed to clinic. 

These amazing and yummy cookies were specially made to pass out at clinic.

Clinic was quiet so we received her counts quickly and her chemo was ready shortly after. Steve and I breathed a huge sigh of relief - Evelyn's blood counts were just high enough to get her chemo - the lowest they've been in awhile (because she had been fighting a cold all week) but the numbers were right and we officially declared it her 'last day of chemo!'.

After the deed was done and we came out of the exam room the whole clinic cheered "hip hip hooray!". We were so happy! Evelyn is naturally a very shy girl so she stayed close to me and was happy once the attention was off her :).

Evelyn received her "end of treatment" bravery bead too - we've waited 25 months to add this bead to her collection.

We also visited the ward to share our news and pass along more cookies

Then the girls were treated to Build a Bear and after we headed home for naps and to relax before the big party

We celebrated with a big dinner with our closest family and friends. The food was great, the company even better and we left with a full heart - we are blessed beyond words with the love and support that has surrounded us the last two years.

This amazing cake was made for Evelyn through Icing Smiles - an organization that does custom cakes for children with cancer for parties or birthdays. Everyone was blown away by the detail and thought that went into this - there was a lot of wide eyes and open mouths. It even had a gold ribbon and the tag on the back - incredible :).

As we open and begin this new chapter of "off treatment" along with it comes many emotions. Although we are very excited we are also apprehensive - cancer and treatment have become such a norm in our life, it has worked its way into the smallest unseen parts of our life and made itself comfortable. I think where the uncertainties and nervousness creep in is knowing it will always be a part of our life, that it truly isn't 'over' - with relapse as a possibility, many check ups and blood work in the months ahead and possible long term side effects rearing their ugly head. 
But we look forward to a lot of positives as well. The biggest one being a sense of normalcy and routine in our every day life. Parenting around steroids, clinic visits, multiple pokes and unusual circumstances was probably the biggest struggle for Steve and I. Steroids being the biggest upset - wreaking havoc on our life every third week, taking away our sweet little girl, replacing her with an angry, indecisive, mean child and turning life upside down. Needless to say routine, structure, and discipline flew right out the window and we did what we had to do to get through each week in one piece. We so badly wanted to raise kind, loving decent human beings in the midst of this - it was a struggle and most days the emotional burden was often heavier then the physical one. We feel like we will be 're-parenting', undoing and catching up in the parenting department but we thank God he spared Evelyn's life and overall both our girls are very well adjusted despite this. As Evelyn's health continues to improve and strengthen in the coming months and years we can hopefully say yes to opportunities we've previously had to say no to. Little things that have taken up space in our heads and our home we no longer have to think about. This will still be a burden on our shoulders but there is now a little more breathing room. 
Though it's our job as parents to teach Evelyn about life, she has taught us a lot in the short 3 years of her life. She has shown us strength and courage can come from the smallest beings; to adapt to whatever situation and there's always fun to be had and smiles to share. She's not the only one - Charlotte has also taught us a lot, most important that every day really is "the best day ever!" (her words) when you spend it with those you love. She has taught us to show compassion and love to those around us even when its really hard to. Steve and I are forever grateful to God for entrusting us with these beautiful girls - He saw in us the ability to care for them and raise them despite what may happen in the future. 
We've also learned a lot about ourselves, our girls, our families and friends and how we all handle tragedy. Though the cancer happened to just Evelyn it has affected us all in a different way. We are so thankful for our large circle of family, friends and others God placed along our path - they have all played vital and distinctive roles in our journey and we couldn't have done it without them. We are now a part of the cancer community as well - surrounded by families going though the same, relating in a way no one else could, being a part of this 'club' - one you don't want to be a part of but couldn't get through it without. God has brought into our lives friendships vital to us, bringing happiness and the ability to relate.
Through every bump and turn in our journey it was our choice, and continues to be our choice to lose faith or allow these trials to strengthen our faith. Having faith meant recognizing that God always has something better in mind then what we could see in the moment; that God cares more about our hearts then our circumstances. He didn't promise us a life without suffering, in fact He told us it would be hard and we tend to forget that, but its how we take those hardships and learn from them and grow to be better people. We've learned God has a greater purpose for our life, one that is greater then our comfort and ultimately brings Him the glory in the end therefore giving this trial meaning.
As I go back and read my very first blog post and see all the pictures from 'the day' so many emotions come rushing back - fear, nausea, anger, hope that it wasn't what we thought it was, unable to eat or sleep, waiting on the doctors for answers. Our vision was foggy and finding a reason why this was happening was hard. I was terrified of what was to come, of the what ifs and unknowns but somehow I sensed God, an overwhelming peace in the moment  when we were told "Evelyn has leukemia". Though my faith was small there was someone much bigger near - never before had I felt the presence of God then in that moment. From then on I knew I had to figure out a way to get through this with Him as our Guide - He would carry me through the hardest times, remind me of the constant blessings, and continue to pour His grace on us when we felt like we were failing.  Near the beginning I was often discouraged because this wasn't in MY plan for MY life. If I could just zip through this cancer thing and get back to our other life all will be well, but I needed to remove my expectations and realize that this was part of God's plan, not mine. That Evelyn was His child, not mine. And that He was in control not me. So we let go and let God. We adjusted and embraced - cancer will forever be a part of our story, a part of our life and in a lot of ways a huge blessing. And when we decided to open our hearts and accept God's plan for us we started to see those blessings, the reasons, amidst the hardships. As we think back over the last two years we can honestly say the blessings (in many forms) have outweighed the bad - something we never thought we would say at the beginning but choosing to focus on as we look forward.
This is our story - we choose to love it for all it's pain and joy. We know this is not the last challenge God will give us but for now we celebrate how far we've come, how healthy Evelyn is at this moment and knowing our security is only life in Him. 

Lindsey and Steve

"I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing your praise; I bow down toward your holy temple and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased.
All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord, for they have heard the words of your mouth, and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord, for great is the glory of the Lord. For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly, but the haughty he knows from afar. 
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands."
Psalm 138